ABOUT VOICE FOUND

The Voice Found website is now live and can be found at www.voicefound.ca

This is the  blog of Cynthia Bland, founder of Voice Found.

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”  ~Erma Bombeck

Voice Found is a national non-profit organization that is committed to the PREVENTION of Childhood Sexual Abuse and the support of adult survivors.

We do this by:
• Educating and Empowering individuals to recognize, react and respond appropriately to childhood sexual abuse through the award winning ‘Stewards of Children’ program
• Identifying and providing resources to adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse
• Developing and providing programs for survivors and those in their circle of care

Cynthia’s dream  – to help other survivors to heal from childhood sexual abuse and to prevent it from happening in the first place.

that-day

THAT DAY   by cynthia bland


I remember everything about that day

My bedroom where I lay my head each night
Full of the little girl things that brought me joy
Waiting for me to fill it with my laughter
It watched me that day

My darling baby doll, the one who ‘wet’ and cried and ate
Her big blue eyes wide open as she sat in her cradle
Waiting for me to dress her for tea
She watched me that day

My wonderful magical slinky that sat coiled on the floor
It’s silver metal wire glistened in the sun
Waiting for me to set it walking down the stairs
It watched me that day

My red- framed “Etch a Sketch’ with it’s white twisty knobs
Coloured paper, crayons, paints and markers
Waiting for me to create a masterpiece on their blank pages
They watched me that day.

The faint smell of lemon from the polish on my floor
The softness of the pink sheets that covered my bed
The look of the curtains as they fluttered in the breeze
The sound of his footsteps as he came to my room
The taste of my pillow as I smothered my cries.

I remember everything about that day

I wrote the poem  May 21, 2007.  When I read it now, I am happy to say that I do not feel attached to the pain that I felt when I wrote it.   I am creating a new story for my life.  I am so much more than what has happened to me.  I am NOT my abuse.

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11 thoughts on “ABOUT VOICE FOUND

  1. Luc says:

    Your poem is beautiful.
    Your story striking.
    You courage…
    …inspiring.

  2. Vic says:

    I’m so happy to see that you have decided to include male survivors in your project. I had “my innocence taken from me” sometime before age 5 by my much older sister and have had, and still have, many of the same life experiences that you endured. I met you through Alex S. in Almonte. If there is any way that I can help I will do my best to assist you in this noble project.

    • cyncee says:

      Hi Vic,
      Yes, I remember meeting you and thank you for sharing this with me. I will be in touch to discuss ways you might be able to help. You can tell me what you are passionate about and we will work from there:)

  3. survivor1971 says:

    I am a 38, soon to be 39-year old woman. There are actually two of me. My one self is the One that is me…my true self. Kind. The kind of person that looks into the eyes of a stranger, to let them know I see them. I acknowledge that they are my brother or sister in this universe and that I see their eyes, their soul, and I genuinely think it’s a kind of prayer I say to them, blessing them, the most ligitimate sign of kindness. I actually love this me. Clever, witty, gifted in song and in music. An idea enthusiast.

    The other me, of course you know, is the self loathing self, as I understand, my lower self. Jealous and anxious. Fearful of betrayal, yet have betrayed. Fearful of trusting, though I have not been trustworthy many times. Desperate to find love, although I have been loved and could not love in return. An escapist. A procrastinator. A dreamer and a visionary that is unsure of the value of dreams and visions.

    After a mental and emotional collapse I am living with my parents. In the past 8 weeks I have told my parents about having been sexually abused by brother when I was 7…he was 8 years my senior. They were immensly supportive. I confronted (typically I steer clear of confrontation) my brother last week via letter and I just received a text today from him that he is sorry that I had to bare the burden all of these years…and that is so ok for me. It’s all he can do. And that was not expected in the least. He has suffered greatly, I believe, as a result of the guilt he has carried.

    I’m commenting on your blog after proactively searching for a way to just release. I have been working with a tremendously helpful therapist specializing in childhood trauma.

    I think I am starting to grow my wings, not literally but you know what I mean. My life has taken a turn, a shift, for sure. I must say that I disassociated with the entire event except for flashes every once in a while for about 30 years, knowing deep down inside that there was a reason my brother and I could not look eachother in the eyes all of these years, and I would get suicidal thoughts at family gatherings and homecomings.

    If it is true that we create our reality, I am now wondering if my loathing of life all of these years created a scenario when I battled depression and an eating disorder at 22. My fiance died, after a 6 year courtship, when I was 24. Unfulfilling romantic relationships and a divorce at 33. Alcohol and drug addiction. Explosive anger.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for being someone that has taken their cross and layed it out there for people to heal. Thats our purpose in life you know. I am healing as I type these little laptop keys. I healed a lot today from a text.

    I am excited about life. I am still fearful of life. There are still two of me. Still. I am looking forward to a union of self. Thank you for helping unite myselves.

    -Survivor1971

    • cyncee says:

      Dear Survivor1971,
      Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I understand how scary it can be but also know how freeing and cathartic it is to finally speak of the things we have hidden from the world – and ourselves. The division of ‘selves’ is something I know many of us can relate too. For so many years I lived as a fragmented person with bits of me dispersed all over the place. While I have pulled most of the pieces into one whole – there are still some ‘straggling bits’. Being aware of this is a HUGE step in our healing journey. We bring all the pieces of ourselves ‘home’. Embrace them. Love them. They are who we are. And there is no ‘bad’ part.

      There is so much more I would like to write and in time I will. I’m just recovering from some surgery (nothing serious) and the pain medication makes it a bit of a challenge to write anything coherent.

      More than anything I want you to know that you have given me a most beautiful gift by sharing your story and thoughts here. I look forward to sharing more with you. You are an inspiration.

      Thank you.

  4. Diane Kroe says:

    Hi Cynthia,

    I stumbled across your blog today trying to connect with people in your area for my business. I truly believe that God places people in your path for a reason. When I began reading I couldn’t stop. Everything you write feels so familiar. Your confidence brings me comfort.

    I too am a survivor and have trouble finding my voice. I have been searching for a way to speak out and help heal others and to bring awareness for those who are suffering. To reach out and help them feel that they are not alone.

    My abuser has never known justice for what he has done. He abused me from the age of 5 to 12. Every day I have to live with the fact that he works as a carpenter renovating peoples homes and has access to their children. I’m filled with guilt knowing that other children could be suffering because of my broken voice.
    I had a difficult trigger to deal with a few months ago and I can’t seem to let it go. My abuser announced on his FB page that he had hand crafted a bed for the Dalai Lama. It just sickens me that because I couldn’t find my voice he gets to live among us and pretend to be a decent human being when he is capable of such evil.
    My therapist said I should forgive and move on with my life, but when I have a trigger this big, I just want to scream and be heard.

    Voice Found sounds like a great cause and I would love to help you bring more awareness. Please let me know how to get involved.

    I’m glad to have crossed your path.

    Diane

    • Cynthia says:

      Thank you so very much for writing. I’m honoured to know that the words I’ve written have given you some comfort.
      I’m going to contact you privately so we can arrange to meet/talk. There are many ways you can help. Writing this comment helped! It reminded me that these small things – these words I write – help other people. It’s easy to forget that sometimes when we get focused on the BIG things we want to do.

  5. Sarah says:

    I am truly amazed by your courage and strength. I, too, am a survivor but of acquaintance rape. Your words still resonant with me and I can identify with much of what you share. Thank you for sharing your story and speaking out. It feels good to know that I’m not alone in how I feel. I’m just now finding my true strength and reaching out to help others and raise awareness.

    Take care,

    Sarah

    • Cynthia says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words Sarah. I’m glad that you are finding your strength and I’m sure you are a comfort to those who you now reach out too. We must continue to use our voices…

  6. […]   I decided that my ideas, thoughts, questions, and lessons were simply not worth sharing.   A major life crisis contributed to these feelings of unworthiness and irrelevance.  I stopped […]

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