Are we there yet?

 

I think it’s a safe bet to say that pretty much any child who has ever been cooped up in a car on a road trip has asked the question – “Are we there yet?”  with the question posed as a heavy sigh or a droning whine.

Today I am that child.  Today I want to know if I am there yet.  And today, I am answering myself in frustration and saying  ‘No’.  No.  I am not ‘there’.  Yes. I am frustrated and whining.

Where is this ‘there‘ that I want to be?  Simple really.  I want to be completely recovered from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse.  I want to be ‘normal’.  I don’t want to have the ugly stuff come back and haunt me when I least expect it.  I don’t want to have panic attacks, major depressive disorder, struggle to feel like I ‘belong’, feel ‘less than‘, be afraid of the dark, fear the dentist and have a whole whack of issues that are related to what happened to me at the hands of a sexual predator.  I am tired of ‘recovering’……I want to be RECOVERED!!

Do children who had their innocence taken when they were 5 ever fully recover?  I like to think I have grown in strides and that I am a better person than I was even a year ago.  I like to think that there will come a day when I will be fully at peace and will feel completely whole.  I HAVE to believe that the times when I feel I am thriving are a sure sign that I am going to be okay.  Okay forever and always and not just for a short time before I slide back a step…or two.

So tell me.   Are we there yet?  And if not …..well you know the next question….’How much longer?’

 

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One thought on “Are we there yet?

  1. alexvorobej says:

    You have come a long long way in a very short time…I am not sure that anyone ever really completely recovers from trauma. It always lingers. You are strong. You will work through it all and grow even stronger.

    You have become a voice for others. Your journey is still unfolding; and it will be far better than it could ever have been, had you not undertaken your role with Voice Found. Your dream will keep you moving forward. You will always have support when it is needed. You are almost there.

    Thank you for being who you are. The ride only gets better.

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