Monthly Archives: March 2012

Gifts

We are all precious gifts to the world.  Together we learn and we teach. 

“While it may be tempting to focus on how awful it is to be abused, it’s important to not lose sight of the reality that survivors are full human beings with many gifts and talents to offer the world. Some of the most sensitive, intuitive, deep, profound, creative, and hopeful people I’ve known are incest/child sexual abuse survivors. They were able to be that way by not losing touch with their humanity–their soulfulness–in the face of others’ inhumanity. We can all learn a great deal from survivors.” Kali Munro, M.Ed.

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Voice Lost

shhhhhh…hushhhhhh…quiet now!
don’t say a word
no sound to escape
no noise to come from you

I silence you
not with my hands
not with my mouth
but with your shame and fear

Fear….
that dance of cold shadows
imagined and unimagined horrors
is that which takes
your voice.

Are we there yet?

 

I think it’s a safe bet to say that pretty much any child who has ever been cooped up in a car on a road trip has asked the question – “Are we there yet?”  with the question posed as a heavy sigh or a droning whine.

Today I am that child.  Today I want to know if I am there yet.  And today, I am answering myself in frustration and saying  ‘No’.  No.  I am not ‘there’.  Yes. I am frustrated and whining.

Where is this ‘there‘ that I want to be?  Simple really.  I want to be completely recovered from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse.  I want to be ‘normal’.  I don’t want to have the ugly stuff come back and haunt me when I least expect it.  I don’t want to have panic attacks, major depressive disorder, struggle to feel like I ‘belong’, feel ‘less than‘, be afraid of the dark, fear the dentist and have a whole whack of issues that are related to what happened to me at the hands of a sexual predator.  I am tired of ‘recovering’……I want to be RECOVERED!!

Do children who had their innocence taken when they were 5 ever fully recover?  I like to think I have grown in strides and that I am a better person than I was even a year ago.  I like to think that there will come a day when I will be fully at peace and will feel completely whole.  I HAVE to believe that the times when I feel I am thriving are a sure sign that I am going to be okay.  Okay forever and always and not just for a short time before I slide back a step…or two.

So tell me.   Are we there yet?  And if not …..well you know the next question….’How much longer?’