I think it’s a safe bet to say that pretty much any child who has ever been cooped up in a car on a road trip has asked the question – “Are we there yet?” with the question posed as a heavy sigh or a droning whine.
Today I am that child. Today I want to know if I am there yet. And today, I am answering myself in frustration and saying ‘No’. No. I am not ‘there’. Yes. I am frustrated and whining.
Where is this ‘there‘ that I want to be? Simple really. I want to be completely recovered from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. I want to be ‘normal’. I don’t want to have the ugly stuff come back and haunt me when I least expect it. I don’t want to have panic attacks, major depressive disorder, struggle to feel like I ‘belong’, feel ‘less than‘, be afraid of the dark, fear the dentist and have a whole whack of issues that are related to what happened to me at the hands of a sexual predator. I am tired of ‘recovering’……I want to be RECOVERED!!
Do children who had their innocence taken when they were 5 ever fully recover? I like to think I have grown in strides and that I am a better person than I was even a year ago. I like to think that there will come a day when I will be fully at peace and will feel completely whole. I HAVE to believe that the times when I feel I am thriving are a sure sign that I am going to be okay. Okay forever and always and not just for a short time before I slide back a step…or two.
So tell me. Are we there yet? And if not …..well you know the next question….’How much longer?’