Sometimes…..

Sometimes I’m not ‘ok’.

Sometimes it hurts so bad I wonder how I can get through another day.

Sometimes I feel so alone.

Sometimes I think I don’t belong on this planet, that I am just too ‘weird’ or ‘different’.

Sometimes I wonder if ‘he’ ever thinks about what he did to me.

Sometimes I wish I knew where ‘he’ was so I could scream at him and hit him.

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

Sometimes I have horrible panic attacks and I am sure I am going to die.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be completely ‘over’ this.

Sometimes I wish I could love myself just a little bit more.

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be the woman who was able to loose her virginity to a man who loved her and cared about her.

Sometimes I feel so much shame and disgust that I can’t even look at myself in a mirror.

To anyone who has been sexually abused as a child – let me know if you sometimes feel these things.  And then – together – let’s remind each other that we can sometimes feel these things but that they do not need to be our ‘all the time’ feelings.

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One thought on “Sometimes…..

  1. You wrote that on my birthday Thank you. I feel all those things and a million more as you do. I sing songs, I listen to gospel music, I write poetry trying to explain where we are, where we’ve been,and explain so people don’t have to be afaid of us, or for us to fear ourselves any more. I triy to generate love for a few people that have touched my heart beyond, that d on’t even know me. But I choose to love them anyway. with all this , there are days I feel that I fail miserbly at it. I have to choose what Gods said, if we put our heart out and into it ,he will take the load, and carry us forward..Pleae forgive me if I come across as ignerantt or self-righous. I never want to hurt anyone that way. Rest gently please. Dusdty

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