less than

Today is one of those days.  You know- the days when you feel that no matter how much, how many, how often…it’s just not enough.   I could scale Mt. Everest in the morning, sail solo across the Atlantic in the afternoon and then leap ten skyscrapers in a single bound in the evening and still feel like I was not good enough.  (wow- imagine doing all those things??!)  I’d be looking at the person who did it better than me…faster than me…with more elegance or who added another thing to the list.  No matter what – I would feel diminished.  No matter what – I would just not be good enough.

It’s so easy to look outside and compare.  It’s so easy to feel pain and hurt.  It’s so easy to feel shame and disgust and ‘less than’.  Less than the other girls who got to give up virginity on their own timetable.  Less than the women who know what a healthy, loving relationship is.  Less than the women who don’t know what addiction is.  Less than the girls who had highschool friends who asked them to be a part of the ‘gang’.  Less than the women who don’t hide behind overweight bodies, eating to hide what ‘he’ found appealing.

I know there are many survivors who feel ‘less than’.  I know also that there are many who move through to a healthy stance.  A feeling of ‘okay’.  And yes- even to that place of healthy self-esteem where it does not matter about the ‘others’.  That place where who you are is simply enough.

I straddle the place between ‘less than’ and ‘simply enough’.  Where are you in your journey?  Do you have tips to share for those struggling to stay on the ‘simply enough’ side? 🙂

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One thought on “less than

  1. darkside54 says:

    The perception of not being good enough, or being less than what you should be is common. The feelings of shame which accompany any type of assault create a sense of unworthiness in many survivors. Getting through this requires support, and assurances from loved ones that the survivor is just like every other person. Part two of the equation is allowing yourself as a survivor to believe what others are telling you. Believe that you are at least as good as everyother person out there. Let yourself acknowledge who you really are.

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