Grief hits hard. It has no time table. It does not listen to reason. It grabs hold of you and leaves you breathless, confused, drained.
I lost my father-in-law recently and the intensity of emotion is overwhelming at times. How blessed I was to be with him as he passed away peacefully. He was ready and it was his choice to leave the hospital and the invasive treatment that was prolonging a life with no quality. His wishes were granted. As selfishly as we wanted him to always be here, I am grateful that his passing was quick and relatively pain free. He died surrounded by loved ones and knowing that each of us would be there to support the other.
Loss of a loved one is painful. It does not matter the how or when or why. The process of grieving is something we need to do. It is something we will all do in life. As a survivor, I have grieved the loss of my childhood. The loss of innocence. The loss of things I never had that others have taken for granted. Grieving a new loss brings up old and unresolved grief. These past few months have revealed layer upon layer of previously unshed tears. The crying of them now is something I allow and welcome.
Feelings of abandonment, anger and overwhelming sadness set their weight on me. My ‘default’ position would be to withdraw tending only to my family. BUT through this grief I have been given a gift. My growth has been revealed. I am allowing others to help me. Despite the extreme vulnerability I am letting people in. I am accepting the generous gift that my friends want to give me.
R.I.P. Larry. Thank you for your love and support and the gift that grieving your death has revealed to me.