Monthly Archives: February 2010


For as long as I can remember I have stood as an outsider gazing longingly at the warmth and friendship that others seemed to share.  Even though no one knew I had been sexually abused from the time I was 5, I must have emitted some kind of ‘vibe’ that caused people to stay away.  Perhaps I was protecting myself and so unconsciously pushing others away.  Maybe my behaviour was inappropriate somehow.  I don’t know the answers.  I only know how I FELT for so many years.

There are many experiences that I can remember.   Situations that I can easily recall if I choose to do so but really –why would I?   I’m no masochist.  As human beings we store these memories in our brains and leave them dormant until we are triggered.  How lovely it is when a song or taste or smell brings pleasant memories forward.  I love those magical moments and am grateful for them.   The less than pleasant memories I could do without.

Lately I have found myself replaying my childhood and adolescence.  Experiences that have long passed are now bubbling up and returning to my conscious mind as I experience new changes in my life.  I have been reminded of my position in life as an ‘outsider’.  The girl who just does not fit in with the others.  And while my conscious mind and thought tells me that these are not current reality, the feelings say something else.  I FEEL just the way I did when I was 5 and 10 and 12 and 16.  The raw pain of rejection, shame and of not belonging.

It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  There are moments when I feel such profound sadness that I wonder how I can possibly smile again.  And then I do.

I smile.  I laugh.  I look at myself in the mirror and say hello to me.  I may not belong in the ‘cool kids’ gang.  It may be that I am misunderstood.  Perhaps my actions and words ARE displeasing to some.  Maybe I do not meet the expectations of others.  All I can do is to continue to be the best me I know how to be.  I know I am authentic.  I know I possess no hidden agenda.  I know I am worthy of love.  I know that I love.

I belong.  I belong to me.   I am grateful for the ability to see that now.


PREVENT childhood sexual abuse

is committed to speaking out about childhood sexual abuse.  As such we have chosen to inspire others to take responsibility as a community   and  help PREVENT childhood sexual abuse.

We partner with Darkness to Light to offer the Stewards of Children program.   The program is delivered as an interactive 2.5 – 3.0 hour workshop and provides the tools, knowledge and resources  needed to help stop child sexual abuse.  This is an issue that effects everyone in the community, not just the abused child.  The social and economic impact is significant and unlike cancer or childhood diabetes, it is preventableYou can proactively DO something.

The cost to attend a Stewards of Children session is $30 per person and includes:

  • An interactive workbook for each participant containing the full program curriculum.
  • An accompanying 1 ¼ hour DVD integrating segments of sexual abuse survivors relating their stories of violation and healing, with segments from the author of the curriculum and from professionals who interface daily with the problem of sexual abuse.
  • An opportunity for discussion about important issues in sexual abuse prevention and the relevance of these issues within organizations that serve children and adolescents.

After training participants will:

  • Understand the facts of child sexual abuse including incidence rates and effects on individuals and society.
  • Understand how child sexual abuse happens.
  • Understand that adults are responsible for the protection of children.
  • Understand the importance of screening staff and volunteers who work with children and adolescents.
  • Understand the importance of a well conceived one-adult/one-child policy.
  • Have resources to react responsibly to incidents of child sexual abuse.
  • Understand the proactive role youth-serving organizations need to take to better protect children and educate their communities about child sexual abuse.


  1. Take the Stewards of Children training and use the information you learn to better protect the children in your life.
  2. Invite your coworkers, friends, family, and other adults that you know are responsible for the care of children to attend a stewards training.
  3. Ask us to teach the Stewards of Children program to the staff and volunteers in your organization, corporation, youth serving agency, or small group of friends.

HOW?  Until our website is live simply send an email to and suggest days/times for a workshop.  All we need is a bit of notice, TV, DVD  player, a comfy room  and   5-10 people is a great size!   At the present time we offer workshops in the Ottawa area only but we can connect you to others so please reach out!




Healing, Supporting and Empowering adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Stay tuned for our website.

Contact if you are interested in hosting a Stewards of Children workshop.

perfect? hell no!

I have been working and so not blogging much.  A new client/contract for me and so the first couple of weeks are always intense.  Now that I have settled in to it  a bit – I am back 🙂  This does not mean that Voice Found took a break cause nothing could be further from the truth.  At this very moment someone is designing our logo.   Our bylaws and constitution are being written, a partnership has been formed and a website will be launched in fairly short order!

There is so much to be grateful for and I am.  A host of people are supporting the effort and I am no longer afraid to make a mistake.  I make plenty.  I am okay with that because I learn from them.  At least I am moving forward.  Waiting till everything is perfect is not an option.  It will never be perfect.  Kind of like me.  I will never be perfect.  Perfect is overrated!  We are all instead beautiful works in progress.