You lower your eyes as if that very act will hide you from view.  You turn from the goodness that is being offered.   How can anyone want to be your  friend…want to know you….want to love you?  What happened to you leaves you feeling so ashamed. You feel tarnished. Unworthy. You separate yourself from others before you have to bear witness to their discomfort or embarrassment when faced with the facts of the abuse.  You can almost feel their revulsion.  You feel such shame.

The fear of rejection is so painful and yet you are rejecting yourself when you feel ashamed.

It is time to stop. Shame is what your abuser should feel. Not you.


4 thoughts on “Shame

  1. I love this post! It’s so true!!

    • Cynthia says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. We must hold our heads up high …even when we want to hide:)

  2. […] short blog post describing the emotions of shame associated with this type of […]

  3. As a child incest was part of my secret life. A secret life that I didn’t create and didn’t want but wasn’t given the choice to say no to since it was my dad. I lived daily with the shame and fear that someone would see the real me, the damaged and broken me.

    As an adult away from home and naive to the ways of the world, I went into denial for years, praying that if I said that it didn’t happen enough times in my mind that I could make it go away. That didn’t make it go away. The stress and tension that I lived under, that I created in an effort to forget the things that had happened to me, the things that were said to me by my abusers continued to grow.

    Finally one day in my late 30’s, I read a book about being an adult child of an alcoholic and found many of my own characteristics. That was the day that I actively looked at healing as a possibility. I thank God that my dad and grandfather were both alcoholics or I might never have found healing from my incest issues.

    I remember the first time someone told me that my uncle and my dad had raped me when I was a child. I didn’t understand. Rape was violent in my mind. I didn’t see incest as violent. Rape is anytime that someone assaults you sexually without your permission. Rape isn’t always violent. It is always without your permission. I had to work really hard to finally let go of the shame and to learn that the shame wasn’t mine. Shame belongs to our abusers. They pass shame on to us so that they can live with themselves and their shameful actions.

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