Many of us who are survivors of CSA, find it hard to just ‘let go’ and do things. We are so accustomed to fading into the background to protect ourselves. We have so many fears and triggers and the need for control can hold us back. I know that I have often felt the need to tread softly and quietly, checking to make sure the coast is clear before attempting something. And when I DID do something I would often not throw myself right into it but would instead take tentative steps. Always checking. Always making sure that it was okay. Acceptable to others. Safe.
Lately I have been just jumping in. Starting Voice Found was a HUGE leap for me. Posting the link to this blog on my professional profile was another big step. I have recently embarked on other adventures and have been discovering that when it is right, when I truly listen to what is at my core, when my intent is good…..well – it’s okay to just jump the hell in. Sure there have been a few missteps. And yes, there are times when my steps are tentative. Sometimes I take a baby step backwards. That’s okay. Not everything warrants jumping all the way in. For the most part though I am throwing the bullshit to the wind, casting the stares (real and imagined) aside, quieting the voices that tell me I am not good enough….and I am jumping in with both feet. Only when I do that am I fully experiencing life. Some things can not be accomplished through half measures.
Give it a try. Find something you are passionate about or something you have been afraid to do. Maybe it is a personal call that you have been putting off or a new hair colour that you have been debating. Maybe it is a walk around the block alone in the evening or sleeping with the light off one night. Whatever you feel your ‘next step’ might be. Give it a whirl. Just jump on in with both feet.