the gift of choice

There is a beautiful gift we are given as human beings.  That is the gift of choice.  I made a choice a few years ago to do the work I needed to do so that I could move forward with my life.  And not just a ‘life’ but a wonderful, happy, joyful life.   That meant I had to face a lot of deep and buried pain and speak of the  abuse.  I lost a job, lost some friends, lost support of people who mattered to me.  I shook up the status quo.   There were very few people who wanted to hear my voice.  After all, it made THEM uncomfortable.

What happened to me at the hands of my perpetrator was horrible.  From the age of 5 onwards, there was not a single day that I was free from what that person did.  That first act caused a chain reaction of repeated abuse by many.  I became a textbook case of  what happens to children who are sexually abused.  Not a particularly easy read.  But it is what it is and it is DONE.  PAST.  It does not mean I have forgotten.  I choose not to ‘live’ from there.

There is a beauty and wonderful gift that has come from my life experiences.  I have come to see that I am a remarkable person.  Since freeing myself, I am now able to let the child inside have life.  She is free now to experience pure joy and love and wonder and awe.  When combined with the wisdom of my years I find I have a very unique perspective.   And just by simply BEING, I allow others to be.   People tell me they feel comfortable around me.  They tell me that I help them to see themselves.  That I am a light…a warm energy.    What an awesome gift that is!!!  I can think of few things better in life than to be true to oneself and through that allow others to realize themselves.

Imagine if I had allowed my voice to be silenced.  If I had folded up and stayed in the safety of darkness.  If I had let the opinions of others keep me from my path.  If I had continued to allow that first act of violence to cloud my life.  If I had made the choice to continue to be a victim.

I chose wisely.

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15 thoughts on “the gift of choice

  1. Lisa says:

    Ah, Cynthia, to hear you celebrate the beautiful, radiant YOU makes my heart sing! Bravo!

  2. Tracie says:

    You truly are remarkable. Thank you for making that wise choice. Thank you for showing survivors that there is hope for the future!

  3. cyncee says:

    Tracie – thank YOU for your gifts and presence on my blog.

  4. little sheep says:

    what a beautiful choice to make!

  5. I can feel that light and warm energy coming through your writing. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I am so glad you joined us for this wonderful edition of THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. I so appreciate you warm contribution!

    • cyncee says:

      Thank you for inviting me and for seeing and accepting my light. I sometimes forget that others may read my words and find something of value in them.

  6. Colleen says:

    Amen!! Thank you!

  7. I will forever remember the day that I realized that I had choices and that I was the only one who could make those choices for me. What a freeing day that way. The joy that came from realizing that me and God were the only ones in charge of my life. I loved it then and still do today. Thank you for having the courage to make that initial choice to live and to be free of the abuse. Life is beautiful today.

    • Cynthia says:

      I don’t know how I missed your comment, Patricia. Thank you for taking time to do so. I’m so glad life is beautiful for you today:)

  8. psactampa says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey.

  9. Christine Adams. says:

    Thank you for being who you are. I have been blessed in 2 ways. I had my Jugular veins opened up in 2011 (MS) treatment. Since the operation I have managed to get my cognitive functioning back. The second gift is finding voice found and finally others who feel the same need as myself. We have to be LOUD AND PROUD. I am proud to say I am a survivor and want to do anything to help.

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