on being a ‘good or bad girl’

Something happened to me today that caused me to pause and reflect.  This is always a good thing even though lessons can be hard.  In fact they can downright SUCK.   Without going into detail, the bottom line is that I have been too nice.  I have repeated a pattern of being overly helpful to others.  I am the first one to jump in and go above and beyond.  Someone needs an ear…I make myself available.  Need a cup of coffee?  Well I can do that too.  Problem is that this is not always a great idea when you are self employed. I now find myself being penalized for good faith work.  No one to blame but myself and this is something I need to learn how to manage.

So why do I feel compelled to put others before myself?  Why am I always so freaking nice?  Well…it is who I am and I do not want to make a sweeping change on that.  I like smiling at people, giving cups of coffee to homeless folks, offering a drive home, giving a stranger a compliment.  That is as natural to me as breathing.  Where I need to draw the line is in the workplace and in particular with ‘authority figures’.

I have figured out why it is hard for me to do so.  My voice was not heard by those ‘bigger’ than me unless I was giving them what they wanted.  In the case of a 5 year old me (and 11,12,13 etc etc)- that meant sex.  So it was all about being nice…being a ‘good girl’ and not saying no.

Today I have made a HUGE self discovery.  I have learned to say no to many people and things…now I can practice saying no to real or percieved authority in the workplace.  It does not make me a ‘bad girl’…it makes me smart!


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