Something happened to me today that caused me to pause and reflect. This is always a good thing even though lessons can be hard. In fact they can downright SUCK. Without going into detail, the bottom line is that I have been too nice. I have repeated a pattern of being overly helpful to others. I am the first one to jump in and go above and beyond. Someone needs an ear…I make myself available. Need a cup of coffee? Well I can do that too. Problem is that this is not always a great idea when you are self employed. I now find myself being penalized for good faith work. No one to blame but myself and this is something I need to learn how to manage.
So why do I feel compelled to put others before myself? Why am I always so freaking nice? Well…it is who I am and I do not want to make a sweeping change on that. I like smiling at people, giving cups of coffee to homeless folks, offering a drive home, giving a stranger a compliment. That is as natural to me as breathing. Where I need to draw the line is in the workplace and in particular with ‘authority figures’.
I have figured out why it is hard for me to do so. My voice was not heard by those ‘bigger’ than me unless I was giving them what they wanted. In the case of a 5 year old me (and 11,12,13 etc etc)- that meant sex. So it was all about being nice…being a ‘good girl’ and not saying no.
Today I have made a HUGE self discovery. I have learned to say no to many people and things…now I can practice saying no to real or percieved authority in the workplace. It does not make me a ‘bad girl’…it makes me smart!