Sense of self…who am I?

One of the challenges I continue to struggle with is my sense of self.  Authenticity is something I strive for in my relationship with myself (and others) and it can be difficult at times.  There are moments…sometimes DAYS that I am not sure who I am or what I am really feeling.  After so many years of playing a role and hiding, the process of going deep into myself can be confusing.  What is truth and what is bullshit?   I remain on ‘high alert’ around most people wondering if I am coming across as ‘normal’.  There remains a sense of not belonging.  I feel that my voice is not heard and what I have to say is of no importance.  There are times that I know I try too hard to fit in and this is distasteful to others.   I still feel shame.

So- what do I know to be true of myself?   Well I know that I still have some hard work  before I am living the life I deserve.  I need to go through a few more ‘pain’ doors to face the very dark place that remains inside.  Once I face that place I will be free to know who I am.

I remain hopeful that who I discover is the woman I have started to love.


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